| i'm back |
[25 Jul 2005|04:41pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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well it's only been 2 years since my last entry...
anybody still out there?
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| click with caution |
[18 Mar 2003|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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 listless |
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I do not like the beta test LJ. Two thumbs down.
Spring break yayyyy! As you can probably tell, I'm not that enthused about it. I'm not doing anything special, just working an extra 10 hours. My birthday is coming up, and I'm not doing anything for that either. It's kind of a weird time.
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| strangely content |
[03 Mar 2003|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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I try to write in here, but it's kind of like I can only write if I'm sad, or angry or something's bothering me. And if none of that is going on, then I'm happy to just be out enjoying it.
Make love not war.
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| 2 unrelated ideas |
[15 Feb 2003|07:43pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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My boyfriend is romantic in an untradtional way. It's really, really cool.
"I hate when independent films whine. Then I want underground film to kick their ass." ~John Waters
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| nice n' comfy |
[07 Feb 2003|10:11pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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I'm having a nice quiet evening at home. I'm burning some CDs for Jenn and talking to my gay husband on the phone, and having popcorn and hot tamales and looking forward to work tomorrow, (I know crazy isn't it?)
And my roomy lit really nice orange spice candles and now I think I'll have some chamomile tea.
Nadine is going to New York with Scott on a 'business trip'. I'm sooo jealous! I haven't had a vacation away from home in a long time it seems. I keep planning one but it never falls through. Oh well. This summer, whether I need it or not.
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| I wonder... |
[05 Jan 2003|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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curious |
] |
Well, now I'm a free user, and yet I still have all my icons? Did I beat the system? Time will tell.
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| a change of pace |
[29 Nov 2002|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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I had thanksgiving with the boyfriend. It was a new experience. A very good one though. I worked from 7-1pm and then headed over to his mother's. We ate at three and then loafed around the rest of the night, drinking egg nog, talking and playing cards. It wasn't much different than my family. Except for the 'fake' tofu turkey. All I can say, was at least there were *real* mashed potatoes and not the instant ones my grandma makes. Now comes my favorite and least favorite time of the year. Somehow I both love and loath the holiday season. I wish the year was over with already.
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| alone time |
[18 Nov 2002|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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I'm feeling a little bummed out, and rejected. Nadine promised we'd do something tonight, since I haven't seen here for almost three weeks, but she called and cancelled right before. Sky's at work, and Lucia has a date. I'm all by my lonesome. I decided to be productive and work on stuff for school. I have to write a reflective autobiography for my UGS class. It's been going really well, but I've just gotten to my first year of high school, perhaps the most confusing and lowest point of my life thus far. This assignment makes me feel both old and young at the same time. I've experienced a lot already, but I still have a lot to go.
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| road trips |
[02 Nov 2002|02:01pm] |
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mood |
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rejected |
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I didn't even realize that I have had this journal for over a year and that I have made over 100 entries. I don't think I'm gonna keep my paid account after december, since I'm not as post-crazy as I used to be.
I feel like taking a road trip. Just driving and seeing where I'll end up. I think I want to go alone on the way, but on the way back I want a friend to come. If only I didn't have school and work. I think I might have to do that someday.
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| been to the chapel and back |
[13 Oct 2002|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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I know it's like a week late, but I just had to say something about Nadine's wedding. Best ever!. So well done. Small wedding, big reception, so much fun. So bootiful. (by boo, I mean boo-hoo cause we all got weepy) The bride and groom were probably the only ones with dry eyes. It was a white wedding, so all the wedding party picked their own clothes, which saved them some trouble. They actually didn't go on their honeymoon until this weekend, because Scott had a business meeting. They are in Minneapolis, if you can believe that. Not everyone goes to Hawaii. I am so jealous. It's weddings like that, that make me believe in marriage again. I just had dinner with some of my co-workers tonight. They are some of the most hilarious people ever, or maybe it's just because I haven't heard all their crazy stories yet.
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| truth from around the watercooler |
[27 Sep 2002|12:04am] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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I was talking to some co-workers today and one of them Bev, had an interesting question. She asked something like, "What is the meanest thing an ex has ever said to you?"
One of the girls said hers was, "I found someone new. And thinner."
That's horrible!
I was in a fight with an ex and he said, "You need serious therapy."
And it was a touchy subject because I had been feeling really depressed and out of control and had confided in him and he'd been like, "You're fine, everyone feels like that."
Saying that was like the worst possible thing he could have said. That's exactly why he used it too. God, he was a prick. No wonder I switched to girls for awhile after that.
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| coming out over coffee |
[22 Sep 2002|08:56pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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So Levi and I have been spending a lot of time together lately. We have a class together and we usually go get coffee after it. So on friday, we're having coffee and he gets this serious look on his face. He says he needs 'to tell me something.' So he starts this whole spiel about,how long we've known each other, I was his first love, etc. And I'm just like, oh dear lord what could this be? He finishes with this whole thing about how in the past few years he's done a lot of thinking and how he just needs to be true. And he just says it, "Aqua, I'm gay."
And I had what you could call a Weetzie response, "Now can guy(duck) hunt together."
He was surprised that I wasn't surprised.
I'd suspected, but hadn't given it much thought. It doesn't change anything about the way I feel about him.
And then he said, "I just want you to know, I think you are a beautiful girl and would love to marry you someday. Cause I still want ten kids."
I said something like, "Yeah, we and our boyfriends could raise them. You can have 8 and I'll take 2."
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| scarred for life |
[12 Sep 2002|06:05pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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I got my first tattoo. It's a kanji japanese character for change on my left shoulder, kind of low. And it hurt. But not *too* bad which is why I'm glad I reconsidered the ankle band. I'm glad I did it, since I've wanted one since I was 16. (at least I didn't get what i wanted *then*.) I'm glad I did it.
I feel like going shopping. Probably cause I just got paid.
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| must..update.. |
[04 Sep 2002|04:09pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Wow, I've missed everyone! But no one took me off their friends list which makes me feel better. I've just spent the last weeks barely even able to think a complete sentence, let alone write a journal entry. But it's been interesting. I'm so happy that I'm not working full time anymore. I was turning into a workaholic, and that is so not me. I need free time, I need *me* time, I need friend time. But I've learned that I manage time better than I thought and handle stress worse. It just goes straight my head and neck. No more constant headaches I hope. I think I had too easy of a year last year and it's being made up for now.
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| a ways away |
[13 Aug 2002|02:31pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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It's been forever. I just ran out of patience and time. I've been working 40+ hours every week because two people quit and getting ready to go back to school. This will probably be my last year. Then...who knows. Luci moved in last weekend and we're getting along pretty well. She's very neat. But she doesn't make a big deal when she finds my sports bra in the desk drawer or coffee cups stuck to the counter. But I still miss Nadine. She and Scott have decided on October 4th for the wedding. This time it's carved in stone. They flipflopped between sept dates for awhile. This summer has gone by really fast. It seems like everything has changed but me. Now, I intend to enjoy my day off by buying more pairs of shoes that I don't need.
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| good night |
[04 Jul 2002|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
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Well, by tonight, Nadine will be moved out completely. Her room looks so strange with nothing in it. I've really enjoyed this paid holiday. We're not doing anything special, except going to the park to the see the fireworks. Actually we're stealing them, because other people have to pay to see them at the baseball game. We're rebels. Besides that, and trying not to fight with Nadine about what is hers and what is mine, my day has been pretty empty. It's a nice change.
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| Ch-ch changes |
[27 Jun 2002|05:49pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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It's been a crazy week. Nadine is moving out by the end of next week. Lucia won't move in with me until August. It's gonna be weird being alone. I may like it too much. I'm really gonna miss having her around. She promised we'd still get together, but it won't be the same. Sky and I are going to try to go to San Fran the week before school starts. I really hope we can, cause I so need a vacation!
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| time numbs some wounds |
[10 Jun 2002|01:49pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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First of all, Happy belated b-day to Jenn, we celebrated it last week, but I never mentioned it in here. She probably should delete her lj, she hasn't used it since March.
Anyway, a thought has been troubling me. Some say that time heals all wounds, but I have come to the conclusion that it's a half truth. In some cases, time does make things hurt less. But in the case of CJ's death and Kevin's suicide, each year that passes for me with out them, hurts me more. Just the longing to see them, or hear them again, hurts so much more knowing it's been more than five years. Nadine always says people deal with death the wrong way, instead of mourning our loss, we should celebrate their life. I agree with that, but it's not that easy. Nadine has never actually had a close friends or family member die. It's nice to think of them being in a 'better place' but to me what's better than right here? I thought of this, because on my way to work today I passed the cemetary where CJ is buried. On my way back today, I stopped and visited her grave and felt as badly as I did the day she died. I've let her go, I've moved on with my life, but I feel there's nothing wrong with taking her back every once and awhile.
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| marriage and such |
[05 Jun 2002|04:03pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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Well, I had a great time this weekend with my uncles. They took me to Olive Garden and then brunch at a hotel. Nadine and Scott absolutely loved them. Nadine has begun thinking seriously about her wedding, which has made me, jealous and to a greater extent excited. I really am, cause I love weddings. Aren't a contradiction? Can't stand marriage, can't resist weddings. I've sat for hours pouring over bridal magazines with her. Nadine is already worrying about her family and Scott's. They each have big families. Nadine has 3 aunts and 4 uncles, and Scott has 5 aunts and 4 uncles. Plus, each of them has about 2 or 3 kids each, plus spouses. Plus friends of the family, plus old friends, plus 2nd cousins. It's gonna be big. They're shooting for September. It's gonna be a quick few months. They've got about 3 places left to look at before they make a decision of where they are going to live. I can't believe it. I'm still not sure who I am going to live with. It's gonna be a summer of changes definitely. Also, I start work this Saturday. I got the receptionist job. I was worried that I'd have to buy all new clothes, but the dress code isn't too formal.
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